current state

I have no answers for this behaviour
it’s integral like those lost trees
it’s part of this character like this shelf of books
unread, or unopened in some cases
but constantly on the top of my mind
because they have futures.

addiction is a tough measure to make
if this equates affliction, it must find a remedy
if this equals curiosity, it must be explored
but there is no bias to be found in my mind, only
willingness to work on solutions
what a stumbling concept

I have neglect, though, to my own esteem
when the bookshelf rages and says, “I will collapse
under my own weight, if you don’t pay me attention”
challenge is lost on me – can’t we all get along?
can’t we be budgeted to fit into this twenty hour hour day?
perhaps not. I hate these economics.

when my eyes grow sore and my body aches
this is time to turn on my own free will
but this will is the same that carries forth vigor
and hides in shadows from certain controversy
I can’t negotiate at this table; I blame the crumbs.
I can’t see straight anymore.

but whoa, and woe, is me.
I am the affirmation of negligence.
I am manifesting multitudes of rationale for nothing.
I am held up here to my own convictions.
I am lost and this forest is darker than two a.m.
It’s not a conclusion, but it is my current state.