fear '04

fear makes me regret actions I thought
were made on solid ground
but the earthquakes pull me and the roots
out of our friendly hiding places
stuck there with denial and self-depreciation

fear makes me lose sight of my consciousness
of my burden-like behaviour that drives the
editing process
of my thoughts
of my words
of my beliefs

fear makes me shallow
for I no longer take in the bigger picture
that viewfinder squints through a 35 mm lens
hardly the resolution for the IMAX view I need
in this lifestyle and political context

fear is the silencer on the gun that is my opinion
blowing cannon-sized holes through others’ defences
I can’t stand the quiet but it’s inherent

fear lets shadows lurk in my mind
I thought I had locked them
in the dungeon-like collection of harsh realities
they like to bubble to the surface of my conscience
explode each time they are most revered

fear manipulates me
to the point of exhaustion
no other emotion incites such delays in my well-being
in my discovery of inner sanctimony

fear solves the most complicated problems of all
by simplifying them to the root of challenges
that being, a strength I have not inherited
a collective burden-breaker
a key to the desperation of my generations
fear is my identity and my enemy.