fear '05

damnit, again.
“Fine.” I say.
I let you enter, as before.

“You’re so forceful.
there are no sandcastles to blow over
and yet you trample your way through
as if you are the tide
and I am merely a beach to be buried
by whatever force you claim from the moon.”

“Hand over your trust.”
you say.
“FIne. Here it is. I trust you.
I trust you to take this heart
and smash it against the wall
and watch as what seeps out-
my only remaining dignity-
is smeared as politely as that smile grows
on your face.”

And then,
like the wind
(you like to push me around)
you grab me by the collar
and say,
“Listen, punk. I’ve been watching you.
I know you think your defences are
a little stronger this year.
But don’t let your ego get away from you.
don’t let the thought of light
ever evade your darkness.”

I can’t handle the commotion.
I want to lock you up.
I want to steal the key, and bury it
under these trees I have been harvesting.

I know that’s not the most elegant of solutions
but given the cirumstances
I don’t think it’s a half-bad excuse for rationale.

“Fine. Fine. I am contemptable by my actions.”
I reply.
“But you, my friend, are losing ground.”

“If only you knew what ground you’ve already lost.”
you say in return.
“You think this kingdom can’t crumble?
just watch me.
watch and weep. I know you have a tendancy to do that.”

I watch.
I weep.
I stew in this and contemplate any sort of exit.
this is no matter of simply walking away,
as I’ve been prone to do and to think may
solve what currently ails me.

“Fine. But I know your end is near.
I feel it. I feel it the same way
my brain feels my nerves tickling my own spine
into some physical action.
I feel this drawing to a close
just like your time here in this mind
is finally running out.
I know your solution and I know your enemy.
And it just so happens I’m a friend of both.”

and with that,
I lock up the fear
and toss away the key.
all access, from this point on,
is strickly to be with security escorts only.

I’ve strangely enough found it necessary
to unleash it occasionally on myself
and throw my flesh to the dogs
to ravish.

but just as chaotic as the whole episode is
the ending startles the audience.
it’s over.