if I was a christmas kid

if I was to receive presents this year, which I hope not to,
I would want things of great usefulness.

• a wine rack, for bottles that I plan to buy.
• a fetus cookie cutter, for the cookies I could make, and you could eat.
• A Fidel Castro Action Figure, because you know my desk at work would probably launch a revolution.
• a netbook pc, so that I could come over and surf the internet at your house without seeming too intrusive. preferably one where you’ve already installed Mac OS X on it for me.
• a collection of peace treaties, so that I could travel the world on your airmiles and make sure that everyone everywhere who was in some sort of government-imposed and UN-sanctioned conflict could ultimately live happy, go and get some french fries, and go home to their families and be rejoiceful.

those sorts of things.