impossible taking a little while

I’ve finally accepted a lot of things. Let’s list them, then discuss them for their merits, shall we?

1. Capitalism is not going to fade with my protests alone.
2. Purchasing things (ie, trade) does not come about solely under capitalism. Trade of goods still occurs under socialism and is absolutely necessary for basic survival in harsh (Saskatchewan) climates.
3. Cheering up is an internal responsibility. This is for the individual and the state.
4. Friendships are broken and mended only on individual willpower for change.
5. Political power-brokering is occasionally fun but most likely laden with blood.

On Capitalism: We’re in it. If I had read Marx, I would I know this is essential. Just that this stage of our development really sucks. I hate so many aspects of it. At the same time, I feel so justified to worship individual responses to it and individual counter-capitalism measures. And I need to learn to embrace those things which, while not subversive, become the measures that build up the revolution that is going to take place. Such as entrepreneurial spirit dedicated to growing non-evil industries, individual business skills that out-manoeuvre even the fattest of fat cats (go mice, I say!) and this strong will to protect those at the bottom of this stockpile we call civilisation. Even when profit-motivated.

On Trade: It’s happening, and it’s not going to stop. Deal with it. I love my black beans and rice, and I doubt either can be grown naturally in this wonderful and harsh place called home. Or Turtle Island, whatever you prefer. I love the fact that people are in the dirt and they like getting messy. I love the fact that there are those with incredible mechanical skill to assemble this fine little laptop. I love the fact that seamstresses and tailors around the world are better than me at making pretty much every thread that I like to wear. I love the fact that musicians in far-off places are crafting soundscapes for my eardrums to explore. And hence, I should start loving my own contributions back and stop living in this daydream where nothing needs to be traded. My ideas are just as worthy and hopefully just as valuable a commodity.

On Cheering Up: These books, these disques compacts, these coffees with unfairly traded beans – all the measures I need to cheer up. Depression is self-inflicted mental illness that must be treated. For some reason, I seem to be quite capable of doing it myself. And those who can’t, well, I advise external help. But for me, it’s an internal thing. No, I don’t over-diagnose it, because I don’t have the license or skills to even know if it’s an affiction on these shoulders or not. But I do know the cures and the targets and the preventable measures that cause it. I also know this tunnel’s length and duration. I can move beyond hollow dreams of satisfying mornings and live them here and now. Along with orange juice sipping and sleep-in-Sundays.

On Friendships: Why I differ from movie, novel, prose and fiction characters in this way, I may never discover. But I certainly love mending relationships that go tattered. I think it has to do with an endless desire for perfection. Pants with holes get patched; friendships with friction get smoothed. I like this. I think it completes the experience so nicely. And that’s what the experience was all about – that conflict and denouement that, oddly, are exactly what movie, novel, prose and fiction characters go through. What a paradox!

On Politics: I love this work, and learning to not be ashamed of it is the key to getting value out of these experiences. Learning to embrace the labels that those who shall not label throw at me is all about the ways in which others must react to my confidence. And my confidence must have grounding, oh yes. But I build this grounding on my terms. That’s what the beauty of this involvement has taught me. Sure, the same organisational fuck ups keep creeping along into every single solitary group I get myself involved in, but at least I’m sane enough to recognise it. Too bad I don’t belong to a group that analyses group dynamics. That would take centuries and more than enough drugs to sort out!