leadership

I wouldn’t mind the opportunity to feel as normal as most get to be. you know, the stage fright before an audience doesn’t threaten me, and the thought of losing face because of my writing isn’t an issue anymore. but the thought of just being there, being accepted as this person who walks the earth and tries his fucking hardest to accomplish the most he possibly can in the shortest amount of time this universe has ever imagined is certainly hampered by prejudice and intolerance.

I have ideas. I haver feelings that will strain my implementation of those ideas. but I know that truthfully they can be there to contribute more to the world than most will other to muster. They’re content with a career that brings in the paycheque and little else. they are content to live and prosper without forcing themselves to exert any sort of community commitment beyond a few mere hours of volunteering a month.

they are fine with their unnurturing stance towards others. After all, who or what said that they were in charge of any sort of improvement?

but it’s here, that I must be the one who has this burden on my shoulders. and I awake every morning with that thought in my head, and I walk to the bus and I ride along and I contemplate every single possible way I that I can do anything to lessen that burden.

is it in my writing, which hardly an audience sees? is it in my politics, which may or may not have an influence? I don’t know if it’s in my purchases, which realistically make as small of a dent in the economy as my shadow does on light’s penetration into the soil. we all know that and still think that’s empowerment, you know, the consumer vision of taking back our economy.

whether I be sheep or shephard is a good metaphor for this role. Leadership doesn’t come from within, it comes from an external necessity. It comes from this notion that you can’t just sit back and read Harry Potter and think, I am a smart person, I buy nice environmentally friendly products, I wash my clothes in cold water, I use public transportation, I try my best to be a nice guy. It has to be something much more grander.

Sadly, my conscious view of the universe hasn’t brought along that solution yet. That evidence that there is anything to actually make that connection. I’m not sure if this even makes any sense anymore. But I do know that at least I’m struggling to make whatever difference I possibly can.

and that my friends may be all that we are empowered to ever do, given that’s not our point of existence.