product of past calculations

everything, calculated, years in advance.
millennia.
dinosaurs crumbled into lava beds,
fossils formed,
discoveries made,
hardened resolves implanted.

To lay there,
unbenownst to even myself weeks ago,
was a risk they took when they
folded proteins and moved seabeds aboard land.

To joke,
unnoticed to even myself days ago,
was a goal spelled out in the
falling of leaves on forest floors in continents that no longer exist.

To quiet,
a flurry of soundwaves had to come crashing together
only to stall in that moment and create a space.
there had been enough noise.
the ears had waited.

To belong,
a million meetings had to be forcefully ended,
creatures stirring out of their seats,
coffee sought out. light beams entering dark rooms.
all to create a space for participation.

The only righteous thing I can say
is that it feels good to want to belong
to something greater than myself
even on days when I haven’t moved from beyond myself.
even the selfish know
we are a product of past calculations.