so cold, so blind

I have a lot of energy not because I get extrenous amounts of sleep or that I can go to bed knowing that my day was a solid contribution to society, but because I think I am getting filled with a certain level of hope. I am generous in my thoughts that we can actually accomplish something this generation. I am certain my contributions will, in the larger picture, make the world a better place.

Ultimately, though, it comes down to what I think this experience is all about. It’s about the experience – nothing more, nothing less. I don’t know if being spiritual makes me a better person or not – should I not at least attempt to find out? Should I not at least rationally critique the institutions of spirituality from within instead of from without?

The same goes for economic means. While theoretically I can’t see the benefits of capitalism at all, and theoretically I oppose the general system of society it engineers, I can’t say I’m not a part of it. I’m completely a part of it. The fact that I can type is not because a willing teacher thought me; rather, a company decided to write a program called Ghost Type which I eventually had which eventually led to my continued insistence on typing that eventually led to these letters appearing on the screen.

The system has its benefits. But if I don’t in the same breath see all the disadvantaged people who never gained this skill because the program was never free and they never had access to the technology in the first place, then I am missing the whole point of objectivity.

It’s just that objectivity can be such a DOWNER sometimes. It’s about choices, and occasionally I must turn a blind eye to the evil I inflict because I can’t seem to get past ANYTHING anymore. Where does one shop for material to sew one’s own clothing? Wal-mart has metres of the fucking stuff. Or is Fanny’s Fabrics better only because it’s investors haven’t been as successful? Do they not envy Wal-Mart like every other group of capitalists today?

And with all of the energy we expell into Wal-Mart critiquing, do we miss a larger view of the picture? By concentrating on actors of this oppression, are we not missing out the critique of the oppression? Is there a new approach necessary? Can we make it communicatable, the exploitation and evil of the system, without pointing to the specific examples of evil and exploitation?

I’m not sure. But I believe, thanks to the capitalist delivery of music called stealing and my exposure to Ben Harper, that they “may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, but I’ll rise, I’ll rise, I’ll rise.”