syriana and its message

I don’t know, why the calling seems to find itself at my doorstep these last few years of consciousness is bewildering at times. I’ve tried to sort through it through writing, and basic struggles of activism that raised my awareness of certain issues without providing the meaning and solutions I necessitate.

It’s why that line keeps ringing true for two solid days. why I don’t pay attention to the artful words when I have them thrown at me is strange, for certain. perhaps it’s another manifestation of my procrastination. anyway, the line: “Bring it to the table / bring what I am able.” (Sarah McLachlan, World on Fire.) Such a simple call to arms to the masses. It’s written for the masses, and why not? Those who are not the masses are already bringing what they are able.

I want to just lie here and hope that everything will be alright. I know it won’t. racism rears its ugly head and then prevents progress.. here, there, and it sadly seems everywhere. powermongering for the sake of nationalism is a dangerous breed of evil, and religiosity for the sake of totalitarianism is scarily a part of my identity – it’s buried here, somewhere, a religious fever to convince everyone else in the world of the correct ways.

Why is that? Why is it inate to think we know the answers, or the way, or the path to enlightenment? I certainly didn’t find it in a crummy book lying on the shelves of millions, and any random follower of mine who may or may not ever materialize will not find it lying in my crummy book. but it certainly feels, the gift we’ve been given by evolution and this universe as humans, that we know what path we want to take, even though we’re secretly convinced we have no idea of the path.

Making these thoughts coherent is difficult. making them politically correct, even more so. not that I usually have politically incorrect thoughts dashing across my cerebal cortex, but certainly the idea that conservative motivations are the wrong way to the future seems prevalent these days. what, of what, are they bringing to the table to advance peace, understanding, good will, freedom, justice and all those other virtues that we cherish, each one of us, the mechanics, the librarians, the french fry flippers, the popcorn machine makers, the economists, the janitors, the oil technicans, the people? I just find there is a disconnect there between their proven unworkable theories and their rhetoric and their actions and their misguided devotion to the same goals that I share.

Sigh. It is the plague of those of us who value our intellect, and who secretly think we belong to some higher calling beyond a day-to-day routine, and who not-so-secretly lust for power only because we think we have the answers, or at least the ability to implement the answers. We don’t want to be arrogant, but perhaps it’s in our path… the sense that we are the ones destined by this greatness we call life to actually do something. I know my value of the experience teaches me we don’t actually have to do that. we don’t need to do anything for the experience of this short blip to take hold and make itself known. and certainly, there will be truths along the way that doing something will have its just rewards and its just revenges against us and our actions.

such is the price, it seems, for admission into this realm of consciousness of the world.

Thus, here’s my token. please accept me and dole out my task for tomorrow.