crescendo

there is something to the way in which I know things
on random days like this one.

shuffled out of the assortment of emotional backlogs
we find utility in the cards that lay ’em straight.

we want all that we do not have,
and never seem to appreciate what we already possess.

three books –
volumes to be impressed upon the strangers who find such things
impressive.

security –
strategy to be let loose in the likely chance the circumstances will be
lost.

clear breathing –
inhalation to be demonstrated to those who rapturously applaud a healthy
demonstration.

I am approaching a turning point in my life.
seven years ago, I leaned back and felt a wave of
surging assurance that this was it.
the experience.

seven years later, the pent up causes and lost memories
of the moments of bliss – great and small – have assembled themselves.

I want simplicity in these experiences,
to relish, rejoice, rekindle and reuse incessantly.

I want the vocabulary bulk of convictions and fortitudes
to pierce beneath my tepid exterior and convince the dormant idealist
this is all worth living for.

I want the history of humankind to mean something other than
an accumulation of lost chances, broken hearts, resentful disagreements or
lingering regrets.

I want challenges. daily.  not of the kind, of late, that make a mockery
out of my survival instinct refinements.
Merely awaking passion for living would suffice.

I want unresolved tensions to fissure into glass blown objects,
embodying a transparency of their solution’s clarity.

I want anxious moments to dissipate faster than the microclimates
that shift around me from sunlight into showers and vice versa.

I want doubt to be an inspiring platform, a cliff to leap off,
a mere hesitant moment prior to trascendental soaring.

and I want to notice the fortunes that have bestowed this journey
with more than what the average fellow over the centuries has ever been
justified in tossing aside, let alone neglected.

I have privilege, then—
the crescendo of this exercise desperate to burst—
and all I seek now to do is to use it to my fullest advantage.

that will bring peace within.
and that, a wise one said, will bring peace to others.

november 30 2009 9:43 pm